2011 was a very challenging year for me. It was the year my son went through a rebellious stage. To top it off, he was sitting for his Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE) that year.
In the end, he scored badly for his exams and ended up in the Normal Academic stream. At that time, it was like the end of the world for me! I couldn’t accept the result, and started to blame God for allowing such a thing to happen. Knowing that he had disappointed me greatly, my son felt condemned and withdrew himself from me and this strained our relationship.
Weeks after the release of the results, while I was still upset with God, Pastor Lawrence Lim preached a message that taught us how we ought to respond in the midst of our disappointments and challenges. He reminded us not to judge God’s love based on what we were going through but to judge His love based on the cross of Jesus.
There and then, I realised how self–centred I had been for being angry with God for not getting what I wanted. I was totally ashamed of myself. I then repented and heard God telling me not to use the world’s standard of success on my son. Since He was the one who created him, how would He love him less and not want him to be successful in life? He wanted me to trust in Him, let go and rest in Him.
When my son entered Secondary 1, I learnt to parent with grace. I also began to see that education isn’t everything in life but letting our children encounter Jesus is top priority. My desire for my son was then changed from wanting him to do well academically to him having Jesus and loving church.
For this, I want to thank God for placing us in New Creation Church. After attending DARE, the youth group for secondary school students, my son began to change for the better. I am amazed to hear positive comments from his leaders about him and see how much he had grown in his walk with the Lord. I knew it had to be God.
In spite of all these, my relationship with my son didn’t get any better. At times, I felt guilty and condemned for failing to be a good mum and for not doing enough to maintain a good relationship with my son. But I thank God for the grace message that constantly reminds me to not look to myself and situation but to continue to trust in God and not lose hope.
In 2015, my son had to take another major examination — the “N” Level examination. We were hoping that my son could do well enough to go straight to the polytechnic but both my hubby and I knew that my son wasn’t confident. Nonetheless, after Pastor Prince shared the theme of the year as the year of HIS restoration, I felt led to encourage my son to look to Jesus for his restoration. I also told him that he was not going to the examinations alone but that Jesus was going with him.
Before the end of 2015, we experienced HIS RESTORATION! Not only did Jesus caused my son to perform well, his results enabled him to enter the course of his choice in the polytechnic. Jesus also restored my son’s confidence and most importantly, He restored my relationship with my son! The invisible gap that separated us was broken down!
Praise Jesus and all glory to Him!